Attack of the Killer Coffee

I'm at work. No one else is. All three of my bosses are out on vacation so it's a little quiet in the cubby. I get a little sleepy. I need help. Hmm...coffee might help. I venture into the break room to hunt down coffee. I find the filter. I find the ground coffee beans. I find the coffee machine.

And then I realize I have no fucking clue how to run it. Damn.

I hunt for directions. There aren't any. Damn damn. Alright, well I am a college-educated person, how hard can it be to make coffee? It's just coffee beans and hot water, right? So I fill in what I think looks like 4 cups of water into the coffee pot. I place the filter in the filter holder. I scoop in what I think looks like 4 cups worth of ground coffee. Now I look for the spot where I should be pouring the pot full of water into to begin the brewing process.

Correction, I STUPIDLY look for the spot where I should be pouring the pot full of water.

You'd think this would be a pretty clear part of the machine. I search for the "moron directions", usually a short phrase stamped into the plastic that states "Pour Water Here" so us college graduates can make coffee for our bosses and prove to ourselves the $100,000 spent over the past God-knows how many years was worth it. No such luck for me. Damn damn damn!

So I pick an empty hole in the machine and pour the water in. I hit the "Brew" button and the machine starts to rumble. I watch patiently, trying to determine if I have made coffee or if the machine is going to self-destruct due to water damage. A brown liquid trickles into the pot.

I've made coffee!

And then I notice...there's less coffee than what I thought was going to come out. No matter, I probably couldn't drink 4 cups anyway. I pour my first cup and dig in. Hmm...very bold. And a texture I've never really tasted before. Kinda tastes like...a mouthful of freshly ground coffee beans! I've made some form of "Omega Coffee". It tasted good though. Unfortunately, I was pretty much wired from 11am-6pm straight through. Then I crashed hard and took a 2 hour power nap. I guess I needed to recoup after all those hours of jittering. I'll just chalk it up to a learning experience.

Hmm...still really quiet around here. Getting a little sleepy. Think I'll make some coffee...